Friday, 5 October 2012

Letters From Patchy

My Pink Hair Do

Hello Readers, what do you think of the pink wig? It was kindly made for me by my Twitter friend NancyFaceCakes, she likes to make wigs for us cats to wear for special occasions and for Wigitup Wednesday on Twitter. She is a very clever pussycat.  The wig is also in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month by Breast Cancer Care; if you would like to read more click here:Breast Cancer Care

Have you ever written a letter and you find that you have completely wasted your time, I have done this and wondered why I have bothered. I would like to share with you some letters that I have written recently. (please note these are fictional)

Miss Patchy Meow
1 Cat Villa

Mr Barack Obama

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue 
NW Washington
DC 20500

25th August 2012

Dear Mr President

I am writing to ask you if you have every considered having a pet cat at the White House?  I understand there is a longstanding tradition of keeping a pet dog, and I admire your choice of a dog from a shelter. Perhaps you would like to break with tradition by having a cat.

I would also like to suggest that if you do decide to introduce a feline into the White House, it would be essential that you install a cat flap in the front / back door.  I have also, as I am sure you will, considered the security implications of installing said cat flap, and recommend some form of cat flap security.  Paw print recognition may be useful, after all you wouldn't want any old moggy and Mitt Romney, letting themselves in and roaming around the White House.

Perhaps you could also pass on that sentiment to Mr Romney.

Yours Sincerely

Patchy Meow

Here is my reply



20th September 2012

Dear Friend:

Thank you for your suggestions, but at this moment in time I am not considering owning a cat or a cat flap. I am particularly concerned about the eruption of cat fights at the White House. As you may be aware I am in the middle of a presidential election campaign and I am sure to encounter some cat fights along the way, I however do not wish them or my opposition candidate in White House.

I will personally pass your sentiments on to Mr Romney.

Yours Sincerely

Barack Obama

Presidential Seal :By Philip Martiny (photo by the White House) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

 Miss Patchy Meow
1 Cat Villa

Her Majesty The Queen
Buckingham Palace

3rd September 2012


May I wish you many congratulations on your Jubilee year, and commiserate you on how often the younger members of the royal family have been displayed in the media, with articles of clothing missing.

As you are an owner of many corgis, I was wondering how you manage with so many dogs needing doggy toilet. How you are keeping your palace lawns clean? We cats manage very well with our litter trays, but as yet I have never come across any dogs using one.

Do you have a particular member of staff who is designated the task of cleaning up after the corgis? If I may I would like to suggest to your Majesty a design concept I have created called; The Super Duper Pooper Scooper. Please find enclosed pictures.

The pooper scooper is large enough to cope with large quantities, and the attached sling serves as a duel purpose pooper scooper.  The Sling would be particularly useful for defending Windsor Castle and Buckingham Palace against invaders, and can be used to deter pesky paparazzi.

If your Majesty approves I will start the production of the Super Duper Pooper Scooper forthwith and send you the first from the production line.

Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant.

Patchy Meow

Here is my reply


1st October, 2012

Dear Miss Meow

      The Queen has asked me to thank you for your letter of 3rd September.

 With  regards to your pooper scooper design the Queen wishes you well with your venture, but unfortunately she can not personally give it her approval.

 She would also like to me to advise you she has security staff that would ensure the safety of the palace and members of the Royal family; no poop slinging would be required.

Yours Sincerely

Mrs Emma Royds
Senior Correspondence Officer

Royal coat of arms image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons:

As you can see my letters were a waste of time, what do you think ? I also have more, which I will share with you at a later date.

Bye for now.